Embrace your relationship status

Oh my lanta, I know what you are thinking: “Mads still has a blog??”

Yes, yes I do.

I took a short 5-month break from blogging to focus on my studies last semester. I took a challenging math course, which if you know me or have ever read my blog in the past you know I dread math. So that single class pretty much consumed my life.

Wow, the previous three sentences are a really boring explanation of a five-month period.  Well in those 5-months I have thought about many things I wanted to share with y’all (like the 2 people that actually read this- shout out to you mom). I have actually had several people ask me to talk about dating.

dun dun dun….

Of course, most of the requests were during the holidays, when the question “Are you dating anyone”, seems to be the question we college students get asked as soon as distant relatives come to town.  Before I answer, let’s talk about the super random passage I read in 2 Kings 4:8-37 this morning, and by random, I mean it was never illustrated in my children’s study bible so I kind of forgot it was in there.

Basically, it’s about this Shunammite woman who takes care of the prophet Elisha every time he comes through Shunem. After a time, Elisha acknowledges that she’s a true “hostess with the mostess,” and asks her if she wants anything. Her reply is, “Nothing. I’m secure and satisfied in my family.” What’s important to note, is this woman doesn’t have a son in a culture where having a son is a big fricken deal. When Elisha asked her “what do you want?” a little voice inside of her head was probably yelling “A SON, I WANT A SON” but “nah! I’m cool!” came out instead.

How often do we beat down our own desires?

I know you’re hidden behind your screen thinking, “pssh I own my flaws, but my flaws are flawless.” Ok. calm down. The only flawless creature I know is my cat.

I’ll just break the ice and say I DO IT ALL THE TIME, especially with my SINGLENESS. (there, question answered.)

Sometimes acknowledging my desire to be married, or simply in a relationship feels SUPER pathetic. I have definitely considered how satisfying it will feel to change my Facebook status to “In a relationship with- super cute Jesus-loving guy who is acceptable to bring home to the parents”. I know some of you are thinking- “You’re 19 years old!! You don’t have to worry about marriage for years!!!!!” True, but I think the idea of marriage is planted in every girl’s head from a very early age. Besides every girl loves the idea of having a Cinderella story. Why do you think that movie has so many renditions?

In some ways the Shunammite woman, had a Cinderella story. From the text, we know she was a “leading lady” of the town and as a result she was married and her bank account was probably pretty happy. I even wonder if she had a bunch of daughters too. I’m not completely certain, but I’m assuming this Shunammite woman felt the same way about admitting she wanted a son.  I can imagine she felt pretty guilty for wanting something beyond the lavish blessings she already had.

Sound oddly familiar??

If I am being honest, I am much like the Shunammite woman!! Well.. I may not be a leading lady of the town, but the Lord has for sure blessed me. I have a family that loves me, amazing friends, the opportunity to be in college..  So I feel insanely stupid when I admit my desire to no longer be single.

My friends know that I desire to be a mom, I often joke that my life goal is to earn the Mother of the Year award. Yes, it’s actually a thing. But I tend to make a joke out of it and I never let the conversation go deep because to be a mother I must have a father for the children… which means dating.

What I’ve come to realize is I experience immense amounts of shame around wanting to be dating someone.

Shame as a single person is feeling both pathetic for being single, but also stupid for not wanting to be single anymore.

Shame is that terrible, evil voice in your head that asks, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you keep a relationship together?” or worse- “Why don’t boys like me?”

Shame is the fear that you’re going to die alone and no one will ever care about you.

I think Satan is a big fan of shame because shame prevents us from telling our stories. And when we don’t tell our stories, we don’t connect with people. Shame creates disconnection and disconnection creates isolation and feeling alone is a terrible place to be.

So with that, I encourage you to choose Jesus. Because with Jesus, you don’t have to feel alone. When you build a relationship with Christ you will learn what feeling content is like. It will take time; it will take prayer but you’ll get there when you put your faith in Him.

We can do it together.

You are worthy of love, acceptance, and connection.

(Now go blast Single Ladies by Beyonce and dance it out.)

If you have comments or questions feel free to post below or email me.

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