As I sit in a very empty Starbucks, I am playing an actual soccer mom tonight (literally waiting to pick up my sister from practice) I am listening to the Starbucks baristas have a jam session and the empty room is filled with very-full laughter.
I feel still.
Not the adjective version of still meaning motionless… but the verb meaning deep silence and calm. If you google it (cause you know I had to) a synonym is peace or serenity.
Then it hit me. (Thanks google)
For the first time in my walk with the Lord I have true peace.
Thanks to Kamp (my 2nd and very hard summer) I have learned that I can’t base decision making, reactions, and my days off of my emotions and feelings. (This topic is gonna have to be another blog because boy oh boy I could go on for way too long!) I believe there are two kinds of people in the world:
Those who love endings, changes, and cope well with transitions. And… Those who dread watching something finish and end up in a black hole of emotions due to a door closing. (too dramatic? sorry.) Or…. maybe you’re somewhere in the middle? (ok.. so 3 kinds of people in the world)
I lie somewhere in the middle. I am literally horrible at saying goodbye to my people but I love new adventures and opportunities. I think the Lord is hilarious. Literally hilarious. He times things in a manner that will crash our lives just so we can look up at Him.
This past summer I caught myself wishing away my days. But why? Because I wanted to get back to normal? Because I was uncomfortable? Why did I want it to end?
Then it hit me: My discomfort stemmed from the inability to run to my people; I am talking about these three women in my life (yes, mom you are one of them) who help guide me through my decision making, emotions, and ultimately toward the Lord. Weeelllll, then the Lord put me in situations that my only option was to run toward Him. Which sounds really cool now that I am safe in La Casa (house in college station which I share with my people). But while it was happening, He taught me about holiness and what righteousness is and that I (this is probably not shocking to some of you) have a people pleasing problem. So there I am working in the kitchen and growing toward the Lord rapidly, then housekeeping and growing toward the Lord rapidly, and lastly working with 3-4 year olds and growing toward the Lord… Then. Just like that 10 weeks were over. ARE YOU KIDDING ME JESUS?!?! LIKE I JUST GOT USED TO GROWING SPIRITUALLY LIKE THIS AND YOU END IT? why.
So here I am in this Starbucks, filled with coffee shop tunes and laughter. I am okay. I made it. The Lord has my back. Kamp has ended. School begins shortly. But what’s next?
Then I found myself being okay with not knowing. I don’t know what this school year will look like. I don’t know what I will be doing next summer. I don’t even know what friends I will see before I leave for school or who I will see first when I get there. And for the first time in my 20 years of life- I AM OKAY AND AT PEACE WITH THAT.
So, as I end this, I encourage you to run toward the Lord. Read the book of Job and then Hosea and then Ephesians… It wrecked me (in the good way). I could not be more thankful that I let go of what I was hanging onto and let the Lord show me what was keeping me from Him. But He needed me to end one thing and start another. So people of the internet, cell phone users, and grandmas that had this printed for them… EMBRACE THE END!!! For goodness gracious revelation is at the end of my favorite book, and I am a little too excited to go to heaven or for the messiah to return!!!! (oops that may have gotten a little weird? oh well.)
Get pumped when you feel the Lord changing your plans and get in the word because when you change your schedule to get in the word it’ll change you. LET THINGS END because when one thing ends, I promise you He’s gotcha. Feel peace- feel calm and silence.
Then much like my new barista friends, have a jam session.