First of all, thank you for coming back to my blog. It’s been too long. I have been processing so much of life post-grad. As I am learning; processing, healing, and even celebrating can take time. Since I started this little blog, life has changed – a lot. But a lot has also stayed the same. I still love to write, take photos, spend time with my family, and with Dash of course.
I have had the opportunity to see many musicals this year- which has brought me so much joy! Many times, I have been sitting in my seat waiting for the show to start and I have flash backs to my younger self who was so infatuated with the theater.
If you could give your former self a tour of your life now, what would they make of it?
I know my 16-year-old me would be surprised at how some things have panned out. She’d be intrigued by the new cast of faces around me. She’d be relieved that nothings gone majorly wrong. She’d be astonished that she works in full-time ministry – and loves it.
But I suspect that my teenage self would be quietly disappointed that, overall, adult life is way less glamorous and way more ordinary. Twenty-three, not living in where I thought I would be, not doing so many things I SWORE I would do (you know how teenagers are dramatic and all). I don’t know how my expectations of adulthood became so fantasized. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. It just isn’t how I imagined life would go.
And that, so often, is the problem. A gap is triggered by what we imagined, and it grows so wide that we find ourselves free-falling down it.
Growing up doing theater and acting, I often would imagine myself in scenes like in a sit-com or movie. Ok… just typing that sentence makes me roll my eyes at myself. But it is true! There were plot twists, dramatic climaxes, agonizing choices, and satisfying all’s-well-that-ends-well moments.
As an adult, I see now that looking at life like that actually helped me see a bigger story and make sense of the how the Lord was working in my day-to-day existence. It was a way of seeing direction. Ultimately, it’s a way of stepping back to enjoy details of God’s providence – to rejoice in knowing the script is being written by someone else. (As a writer, this is both terrifying and a huge relief)
I’ll bet your narrative hasn’t gone the way your 16-year-old self would have written it. But God’s script for our lives is immeasurably more. Your life is not a second-rate sitcom with you as the title character, that runs its course and then gets outdated or cut from air. Side note. . . Does anyone else imagine what character they would be in their favorite tv show? You’re totally lying if you say no.
If you have eyes to see it, your life is immeasurably better than that.
The purpose is immeasurably grander. Your existence is not at all meaningless. It’s not a search for happiness or satisfaction that will end in disappointment. Your life’s purpose is to bring glory to God. God has written a script that reveals his glory – that shows the weighty, awesome essence of who he is: A God of justice, grace, compassion, commitment and complete integrity.
And God doesn’t just show us how wonderful he is, like were audience members watching a performance. Instead he invites us onto the stage to live lives that marvel at and enjoy how wonderful he is – to give him glory.
While my life hasn’t panned out the way I would have imagined, I pray that no matter where his plan takes me, I am able to see him in it – every step of the way.
I for sure have not mastered this whole adulting thing – but I do know that even in seasons of dissatisfaction, rootlessness, doubt, or loneliness choosing Jesus is better.
PS. No, that is not me in the feature image. Just one of my pals.